Happenings

5-30-02

transcribed from my book...
I have moved much of my life. My parents divorced when
I was 11. I have lived in grand junction co. boulder
co. Denver co. Shipshewanna IN. St joseph mi. Waukesha
WI. Chicago IL. and other places for short periods of
time. Right now im living in bowling green ohio. I
have travelled around the midwest. I have been on
three mission trips to mexico and one to oklahoma. I
have stayed in shelters. I dropped out of high school
and got my GED. I have shoplifted.
I am a skinny kid. I have lived out
of my car. I have been to jail. I have talked to tens
of thousands of people. I have helped thousands of
people. I play guitar. I sing. I have manic
depression. I have been depressed. And manic. in the
same day. In the same hour. In the same moment. I have
been to many parties. I have written poetry. I have
fallen in love. I have been hated. I have been loved.
I like pineapple. And honey. I want to go to italy. I
have add attention deficit disorder. I forget things.
I forget things about my own life.. I have read many
books. I have been crazy. I am 21. I am writting a
book. This is my book. I know a man named daniel who
lived in the desert. I have jumped trains. I have
cried in alley ways. . I have been alone with myself.
I hated eigth grade. I hate the american attitude. I
have done laundry. I have read the texts and theory of
bio information prccessing. I have written lots of
email. I have seen herbie hancock. II have been to the
urantia foundation. I have very little money. I have
read the new testament and much of the old testement.
I have fallen in love writing letters. I have fallen
in love writting emails. I have fallen in love looking
into a g irls eyes at lunch time. I have had rich
friends. I have never seen the ocean. I was born in
denver. I have had poor friends. I have been sailing.
I have ridden horses. I have chased cows. I have fed
monkeys bannanas. I want to fee the yellowstone bears
some animal crackers. I have spied on my mom getting
out of the shower. I have killed a baby rabit that i
thought was a mouse with a survival knife. I used to
have braces. I wear glasses. I have a stuffed animal
daughter. I have changed I ha e become a better
person. I have over come great obstacles. I have
failed. I play the saxaphone. I have snuck into
movies. I have fought niehborhood kids. I have read
sartre. Camus. Hiedeger. I have read aristotle
parminides. plato. hericlitius. jaspers. jung cambell.
huxley hitler stienbeck. fuentes. Hugo. Dostoyevski.
Elliot. Suess . silverstienginsberg burroughs kerouac
jenning Everson emerson lao tsu narajuna buhddist
text. falun dafa. rand einstien fitzgerald christian
catholicmystics manics schitzophrenics. Boring fucks.
Fascinating fucks. SMart fucks. Rich fucks. Sad fucks.
Dumb fucks poor fucks blind fucks brain fucks nietche
frued. st john of the cross. kierkegaard.chaucer
shakespear rousau voltaireINdian books christian
science. Hindu sports magazines. Business journals.
Literary journals. Hofsdetler shurnberg. . superstring
theory. hawking. POund cs lewis plath hemmingway
dickens chrisco erikson hamilton jefferson marx engels
matin luther king jr tolkien dr doolittle paine jopyce
code of law war account maritime law history. Civil
war history. Presidential administration Third world
economic systems. Art thoery lamb right use of will eb
white. jeffers sinclaire blake shelly conrad newton
ruiz russel fuerbach. confucious goethe shopenhauer
hegel shelling heursel rank wilber gestal theory.
object relations environmental psychology political
science anthropology low rider magazine entreprenurial
publications adbusters executive orders house bills
osha labels. corporate reports. japanese phsycology.
skinner behavioralists. Rolling stone. Lowrider
magazin heath and fittnes. W. Cosmo. Maxim. Car
magazines. Gardening magazines Mother earth catolouge.
cookbooks journal of wolfe science fiction shotgun
news wallstreet journal the economist. Leftist
publications. Conspiracy shit. KKK. group theory. hip
hop. macro economics. INvesting books. books on
relationships. Books on attracting women. Propoganda.
Bullshit. Joke books. Lost fragments of lost
fragments. Commentart on commentary on commentary on
commentary on commentary on nothing. national
geographic travel publications. Architectural and
design magazines. Trade journals. Photography.
Construction. Astronomy. Astrology. Attemted to learn
italian french spanish. calculas. group theory. Stayed
up for days at a time. Worked selling peaches.
smashing grapes. . busser . cashier. Stocker. Produce
boy. Served ice cream. Made fudge. Mopped scrubbed
scratched formed poured cut sliced wrapped pounded.
Hot dogs hamburgers nachos. subway. Dishwasher.
Restraunts. Big small. bad food good food. Mean cooks
nice cooks. Horrid bosses. Kind bosses. No boss. Mover
Assembler. Sorting building. dry wall. vaccuming lawn
mowing landscaping. Farming. Paper route. Washing
cars. Tried selling weed. Sold cigars. Stole from
church donation box once using twigs. Paper cutting
envelope stuffing filing. Baby sitter. Concrete.
Framing. Digging. pizza delivery. Office supply
delivery. Office furniture builder. Dairy queen
ponderosa. Pharmacist assistant wallgreens. Had sex
once with maried lady I met on internet when I was 18.
Made out witha niehborhood girl when i was a kid.
Mountainbiked skiid. Play violin. Trained as runner.
Trained as cyclist.. Hurdler. High jump. long jump
high school. football.basketball middle school.
Wonawards for trumpet.Won awards for high school
debate. First speaker lincoln douglass.first place
team cross examination . First speaker overall. Been
manic. Been down bad. Been emotionally crushed. Been
screamed at. Crushed. Followed by strange persons.
Choked. Slammed. threatened. Punched in the face
numerous occasions without provocation. Facial
reconstructive surgery. Foot surgery as child.
Stitches? Yes. Poison ivy repeatedly. Hives. Chigs.
Allergic reactions. Concusion.Trained dogs. Chronmic
headaches in much of school career due to msg food
florecent light and poor air quality. Severe food
poisoning. Worms from cats. Recieved Fs for
excellence. Been singled out. Hated. Lied about.
Gossiped about. Emailed about. Aced countless test no
studying. Ridiculed. Fired countless times. Banned
from school propert. Banned from college campuses
without cause. kicked out of stores. tackeled by
employes threatened by conformists. Show downs with
violent old men past thier time. kicked out of
libraries. I hate librarians. Locked out of the house
in my uderwear. stuck in snow. Stuck in mud. Stuck in
rain. Stuck on rocks. Lost. Ditched. fell of
playground slide. Kicked out of stadiums. Parties.
Entire towns. Entire states. Grounded. Molested. Spit
on. Drinks dumped on me. Drinks thrown at me. Egged.
Whipped. Jumped. Laughed at. Bikes stolen. Things dear
to me smashed. Bags stolen. Money stolen. Valuables
lent not returned. Have begged god to kill me. Lucid
dream frequently. Been expelled. Ostracized. Rejected.
Kicked pushed. Controlled. Clothes riped. Slapped.
Hit. Scratched. Hair yanked out of my head. Fingers
smashed. Toes smashed. Pain dares from friends. Stole
taco bell flag and bell. Ran from cops. Ran from
criminals. Ran from janitors. Ran from road ragers.
Ran of the road by semis. Act 29. Sat not taken. ASVAB
99 and 97. IQ test not taken. Few fucking care.
Insantaneous judgement. Feared for no reason.
Discriminated against. Treated rudely. Had a buick
regal. volkswagon bug. plymouth reliant. dodge omni.
ford fairmont. Played in front of large crowds. Gone
hungry. Been lost Been homeless carless jobless
mindless loveless comfortless with one contact in.
Been kicked out of house. Been abused. Been tortured.
Hided in closets. In pantries. In stairwells. Hidden
inside self. Had infected ingrown toenails for two
years. preached the gospel. Wore mocasins. Had
toenails ripped out. Never fought in war using guns.
Fought other wars waged other battles. Toomany to
count. Im young. Had sinusitis. Infected eye. Gone
hungry.Fought my brothers. Fought my dad. Fought the
world. Fought god. Given my cats baths. Smiled.lived
in desert. Never driven motercycle. I designed and
made a hammered dulcimer. Taguht myself to read.
Taught myself math. Taught myself to read music.
Taught myself to love again. Learn to graciously
accept myself. Learned to give myself hugs. Made a
giant heart out of branches and dug a kive in the
forest. Have had my best forts destroyed meaninglessly
without cause. Have been hit by kids throwing
shingles. Often yelled at for no reason by random
people in cars. Never neen invited to a dance. .Can
carve stuff out of wood. Have used pronagraphy. Have
sinned. Have loved. Lived. Will die. Lied Schemed.
Parinoia. Fear. Nothingness. Invented shit. Played
hopscotch. Fell of the trampoline. Been to a latin
club in milwaukee. Been to dance clubs. Been chased by
racists. crazed upper classmen. Been rejected and
dejected. In despair. Suicidal. Apathetic. Tired.
Rundown. Helpless. Bawling. Slobbering.
Hyperventilating. Slight hernia blisters bruises
scrapes cuts. Ridden greyhound. Trains. Been to aspen.
Planes.Been to ohio. I am in ohio. Jacked off in the
forest. Jacked off in the cemetary. Painted in the
cemetary. Slept in the cemetary. Cried in the
cemetary. Been there with good friends. Alkl
cemetaries are basically the same. Life growing on
slkeep. Never been to las vegas Camped in western
colorado. Filled out a thousand applications. Seen the
morning glorious. Hate applications. Despise much of
modern civilization. If I can Understand my own life I
can understand the world better. Vise versa. You are
the world. Taken bipolar medications. Never done
shrumes. Never done acid or any hard drug.. I try not
to drink pop. I am an opportunarian. I write songs. I
will be famous. I will change the world. I have had
black friends. Popular friends. Chinese friends.
Indonesian friends african friends. Dorky friends. I
have gone bowling.I am a funny bowler.Had crushes.
Used to spend my allowance3 the moment i got it. MY
brother adam and me would race out the house in denver
down the side walk to the pool house down the side
walk up the stairs to the pop machine and buy welches
grape juice. Was raised in a cult. Christianity. .
Life is not so simple anymore. Perhaps it was not so
simple back then either. I want to go to the red hot
chili peppers bar in belgium. An austrian named ervin
told me about that last night.Sometimes I am psychic.
I have seen alien ships. The moon is made of cheese.
I love jazz. I am a romantic. I kiss girls hands. I
have bad dreams. Dreams where i go crazy. I dont want
to feel crazy. Or alone I have seen movies. favorites.
Fight club breakfast at tiffanysWhat about bo b pulp
fiction the english patient lawrence of arabia. cheech
and chong. ferris bueler. Innerspace life is beautiful
ghostbusters starman. Dead poets society. . Talented
mister ripley. Marx brothers. The third sister. Black
sheep snatch. Whool stop the rain. Thin red line. Good
will huntingtaxi casino scarface rainman red october.
Of mice and men. Hoosiers. THe jerk. THe three amigos.
Prince of tides a beautiful mind, American beauty
ground hog day,One flew over the cukoos nest.Raging
bull runlola. Forest gump. terminator 2 ghost. dumb
and dumber. crouching tiger hiden dragon. office
space, fear and loathing in las vegas. Snow falling on
edars. I hated titanic, duece bigalow. and lots more
liked. white nights. the silver streak. fantasia. The
little mermaid. charlie and the chocolate factory.
woodstock the movie. dancong with wolves. The inlaws.
Love documentaries. Saw a documentary on homeless
people in newyork subways. Another about punk kids
riding trains around the country.Sienfeld i like. THe
plays porgy and bess and the other gershwin play. And
waiting for godot. Have written partially an
existentialist play. Fiddler on the rrof. BOulder
symphonie. Studied opera. Have seen opera singers.
Have worked at nice resturaunts. Never worked at a
hotel.Never been to canada. I love to write im not a
hunter . I love avocados. I like nut shakes. I like
bananas. I like to play music for people. I was a
christian conservatice for three years age 14 to 16
Been to kmart walmart. Shopped in mexico city. beeny
to hyper mart in warez. Love antique shops wherever.
Have business plans. Marketing schemes. I am good at
coming up with new and original ideasWas in knowledge
bowl in high school. Bored by chemistry. Bored by MAny
things. Wsa rearely encouraged in anything. Parents
argued over who would pay $ 20 for little leauge. That
was the end of little leauge for me. My parents are
stupid. My dad is ignorant. My mom is ignorant. My mom
is killing my brother emotionaly. My dad is killing
himself emotionally. My mother wastes money and
married anbother ignorant asshole A hick from a small
town in nucla who whipped my lille brother with rubber
bungee cords for argueing. Fuck him. Fuck anyone the
messes with me or my brothers. I keep a fake gun in my
car behind my seat. Knife to the side of the seat.
Sleep comfortably in dangerous places. Lock the door
and rool down the window. Father has anger problems. I
got out of highschool he started to deal with his own
shit. Hes becoming a pilot and now hangs around
shovanists all day long. Nobody understands eachother.
nobody understands themself. People die trying. People
die not trying. My mom is a complete bitch to me. She
guilt trips me for doing what i think is true and
fololowing my heart and being happy. I ussually end up
wanting to kill myself if I live with her. My brother
adam has anger problems. Hesa bad ass basketball
player though. Gotta watch yur money when your around
him. My parent and this society fucked him up. Hes a
good person a strong person a survior he has things
living in him. Fuck you all for telling me im not
worth shit. You go to hell and dont bother me or else
maybe Il punch you in the fucking face and spuit on
you and kick you and call you names and destroy you
like you did to me. or maybe ill just love you. Maybe
ill flip a coin next time you come and fuck with me
the moment I get up or walk by. Maybe itll be random
like that so watch the damn fuck out. Anybody steals
my stuffed animal daughter they just might find
themselves a dead fucker someday. Maybe this is
getting beyond my control so DONT FUCK WITH ME. I AM A
FASCINATING FUCK. I AM THE FUNNIEST GUY AROUND AND I
WILL FUCK YOU DOWN YA POOR SHIT NUT. My dad grinds me
down slowly and drys me out, Fuckin people. Cant you
just love. Fuckin people cant we just talk to
eachother. I dont give a shit who watches me or
listens to my conversations. I hide when Its in my
best interest and Im coming out of hiding. its not in
my best interest to continue hiding. I went to frat
parties at depaul. I partied in iowa city. Partied
in madison wisconsinI speak english I speak crazy
style and I speak lvoe style. Ive been on retreats in
estes park colorado. Haveing to pee makes me write
better. HAving to shit makes me write better songs. AM
I shitting in your mind toilet yet? I just went pee. I
peed my bed in second grade. My brother thomas peed
his bed when we went pannign for gold in idahoe
springs colorado. What a dumb bastard he was. WHen i
was in sioux falls I met a guy who peed in his
suitcase in the middle of the tokyo international
airport cause he couldnt find the bathroom and he
thought it was the most appropriate things to do. I
wasnt about to get taken to jail by them chink mother
fuckers. He said something like that. I have seen
senators and the president. I have little desire to
shake the hands of lawmakers. I tried to shake the
hand of musicma herbie hancock he gave me the peace
sign instead. I like to shake the hands of mexicans
and africans and chinese and little kids and black
preachers andI like to give hugs. I like to listen to
stories. Not many people tell stories nowdays. I
believe in reincarnation. I believe that everything is
alive. I believe we can solve our problems. I belive
god exists. In belive in the yoga masters. I believe
in the buhdda masters. In the greek Gods. I belive
everthing is god. I belive god is love. I belive
everthing is love.I am not sure what love is other
than that it is everything. I like to learn lessons in
life and to se new places and to see new people. I
like missing my friends because I appreciate them
more. People judge me for living out of my car. I love
my car my car is beautiful. I am beautiful and strong
and amazing and I give and im selfish to. Im just like
any of you except I just figured out Im just like all
of you and all of you still think your different from
me. I wish no one judged eachother. Judgment is
unneccecary and fucked up. God does not judge us. The
vast majority of people that I meet in america are
very judgemental. America is highly judmental. AMerica
is a sick selfish weak country. America is fascist.
America is not free. The cops abuse any power they are
given. The cops are out of control. The criminals are
the cops the people behind bars are assholes who dont
know how to help themselves or others and moslty hurt
things they come in contact with and are not smart
enough or too stubborn to figure out the rules of
society and at least live in some kind of harmony.
Well im playing your rules sociey. Im not ki;lling
anyone Im not buring down houses Im not killing myself
im not stealing. I follow your laws. You are the
society that is lawless. We live in social kaos. We
live in spiritual lifelessness and opression. You are
the land of the stupid. YOu are the land of the over
comforted sensationalized de sensitized dumb fucks. I
will change america. I will change myself. I will
become stronger. Im manic now or maybe im just telling
the truth for some randome reason. The only way to
stop me is by killing me and i Dont think you want to
go there. You will not go there. You will change. You
will repent and help the world. I will make you. I
will scream the truth in your fucking eardrums for
fifty years. You will listen you will see that I am
right you will see that I am right. You will see that
you are something alot like me. You will see that we
are all unique. You will see that we belong to the
earth even though we are destroying it. You will see
that be bolong to god and are her chioldren even
though we run and try to kill god. Onward with more
complaining. My mother doesnt care if I am happy.
Family life in america is a fucking joke. I have never
been to europe. Fuck tourism Im talking research dont
look at the eifel towr look at the people in it. The
people in the world need to get to know eachother. How
many know thier nieghbors even? Hi Bob. Fuck the hi
bob nice day bye bob thing. I will become emotionally
and spiritually strong and demand you stop the
bullshit. Demand you come to life if even for a moment
or I will kick you in the balls bob. onward. I read
the book of life. I go to the college of life. Its
hard in that school. Its fun in that school. learn
anything in that school. You are encouraged to learn
to love in that school. No in that school life will
kick you in the fucking face if you dont learn to
love. Maybe love is a martial art. learn to party
harder and to rest more softly. Power nap your way to
wholeness. . Better the world and forgive yourself for
being a fuck up and be a fuck up whos trying to figure
out how to be a monkey in a suit or a monkey in a
wheeled earth vehicle a ford maybe and wear a damned
monkey grin on yur ugly monkey face. Onward. Pray
louder. Skip harder. Make war for whats true. Stop
worshipping the red white and blue and see that the
red white and blue is the fucking problem but also
realize that it could be tha answer to the planet
earth. I am a little man. Learn how to follow. how to
lead. how to dream greater. Dream greater. I cant say
how important that is. Dream greater you fucking
panzee. Onward. Light a candle baby. I like retarded
people. You know the mentally challenged. Some
retarded people are very mena though but most of them
are so nice and happy. . I like fishing and swimming
in the river. I will often run from my problems. I
feel theyre too big. Or that i am too small. Damn I am
small I am dumb. No shit I had no one to teach me.
Nobody lknows shit about anything but thier little
piece of the pie. Well if I become like that poke me
in the eye. I dont ever hear anybody explaining thier
piece of the pie. Shti is retarded on the internet.
People dont mind If htey got a56 pieces of junk mail
and spam but the minute I send them some ranting and
ravoing with a reek of arrogant truth to it they email
me back and take the time from thier sacred work day
to write me asking me who i am and how they know me.
WHy does that matter. I am you anyways but should it
matter if you know me if I grew up on your farm or if
i was your sister or your fucking hampster does that
get my foot in the door to your closed stupid ignorant
fearful world. Stop living like a hampster. Stop
living like an ape and stop living in some of the
stupidest ways a human being can live. This society is
fucking stupid. We destroy ourselves and bullshit and
lie and decieve and stomp all over eachoither and we
cant break the rules and nobody know what the rules
are. You destroying your kids lives. your childrens
souls are dying. Basically theyre becoming like you
like you became like your parents. Damn doesnt that
make you sound stupid. Well we are stupid. Im stupid
too. and im stupid to write this in this way and send
it to strangers. Who gives a fuck. Am I out to impress
you . No. Am I out to impress myself maybe. But I want
to help[ your dumb ass by being the stupid fuck that I
am. Thats what I meant by realizing that you are a
fuck up. forgiving yourself and then being a fuck up
trying to figure out what it means to not be a fuck
up. I wish we lived in glass houses. I wish nothing
was a secret. I wish things werent made out to be so
shamefull. I wish shti werent made out to be so
complicated. Shut the fuck up and love. I am a daoist.
Jesus was a daoist. I have
found truth
in my life. Found lots of lies. Its ok to lie. Its ok
to fuck. Not that I ever do but that its ok. Pick yur
nose while youre at it and wipe it behind the picture
of your family on the wall. IT is good to not be
tricked. Do not believe even half of what you hear
especially when it comes from a dumb fuck like me. Do
not accept your own bullshit. keep trying. Overcome.
Become free. Fight for freedom. THe world is a fucked
up system and it controls those who control. Fight to
change it by learning to be a grand fuck up monkey
brain full of love and passion. Seek out truth. learn
what is a lie. Learn what makes people believe lies. I
love to smell flowers. I like the smell of a healthy
college girls underwear. I like bannana bread. I like
to make it and smell it and eat it and shit it out. I
like reading stuff that i like reading.Less
punctuation more meaning. Make the challenge in
writing not to conform to the apa dung heap but to be
bruttaly honest and offend the whole world while your
at it if it so happens. What a bunch of crapfaces
anyway that get affended by truth or anothers ideas
about truth and then wont forgive ya and if they do
its a family grudge or they just pretend to because
they were taught things ought to be a grand perfect
leave it to beaver shit nut shake. I like space. How
come so few people got to space we got space ships
right weel when people go to space everything changes
thats why. Anyways people are too unorigonal to think
of getting to space themselves. God damn better make
sure you come to a complete stop at that four way in
the middle of the night in the middle of nebraske.
Stop being a dumb fucking robot and be the yoga master
you can be. like the army tune on tv. Be all that you
can be in reality. Something like that you know. I am
not smart I know very little I forget so many things.
My brains cells die all the time and go on strike
cause i dont use them enough. OnWard I like dancing.
I like feeling rain on my skin. I should take a shower
in the pouring rain. Im so stupid I never do. I
wouldnt think of it. Or Im to weak I would be afraid
to get wet afraid to get cold. Or Im too spiritually
fucked up I would be afraid that i might actually
learn something from it or that i might actually
connect with the earth accidently and whatever
happened to the pyramids. Lets build some more of
those mother fuckers. No people would call it a waste.
Is it better to build your fucking marble towers in
the sky and your yaghts and shit and let people
starve. You are some dumb fuck. Think for yerselves
you stupid son of a bitch bastards. Onward. I forget
the meaning of my own life. I am alive arent I and If
I have a menaing shouldnt I know it and not forget it
and yet Im always forgeting it because im a dumb weak
man. I like the plan I have for my life. I like the
idea of changing the world. Ya wanna join me. Join
your own team. Stop killing yourself inside. Im not
dumb like
jesus was telling people to sell thier house. If you
wanted to work with me I would already know that youre
crazy enough that you dont give much of a shit about
your personal items and your tools of enterfucking
tainment. Maybe jesus didnt say that. Jesus was stupid
not to try to solve the worlds problems and start a
mass social movement(thats what we need duh. From the
looks of it he could have tried and he would have been
a damn good freedom fighter. No im not talking about
our troops over sea im talking about jesus. Jesus was
a
good natured buddha guy he could heal people and go
anywhere he wanted to but if he comes back and wants
to do it again wont he have to reincarnate again. and
who wants to come back to this hell hole once theyre
in nirvana. So its up to us guys. Dont count on your
mutual fund to save the world or the american flag or
amnesty international to solve the hunger problem. Its
up to you you dumb fuck, Dont you realize its up to
you. If you dont save yourself and work to make things
better I will punch you all in the face everychance I
get and call you on your bullshit you tremendous
bullshitters you. Onward. I am a manic fuck writing
this but it needs to be said and you need to say it in
your own way. Find your own words. Yes you do have
words. Only a dumb fuck would think that he/she didnt
have shit to say. Start by cussing your head of like
me.I am stupid. I read an architecture magazine today.
Being in love doesnt mean I have to marry anyone. If
you love your flag why dont you marry it. Godamn I so
poften lose text using the computer all my inspiration
down the tubes. Well I was talking about hunger. Human
life goes down the tubes just like the thousand or so
words that i typed. a thousand jumbo jets full of
people crashed today. no you dont believe me. And they
were kids to. Well they were flying hunger air. The
autopsies found some dirt and roots in thier stomachs.
We can solve hunger. 3500 kids a day dying just cause
of hunger air. Hunger air Is a gaurunteed flight
everyday. You wanna go ona ride? Didnt think so. Look
we got enough food for the whole world. Just in
bangeladash alone enough grains is grown to give each
person on the planet 2600 cals a day. Thats just grain
in begeladash. Bunches of grain rots in the us too.
And even the forign aid we give is only to nations
that let us tell them what to do and take advantage
of them and if theyre communist wow forget it. Dman
are we stupid. So we let the kids and the parents and
our bros and sises die and crash and burn. You stupid
american. You cannot solve the problem by continuing
in what you do in your regular robot life. You are the
problem. Well more accuratelky the system is the
problem. But youre part of it because you think that
you cant change nothin. Or maybe you dant care. Dont
you see that pepole are starving like crazy and we can
solve it by fixing the system. No you dont see it. ok
the food that we end up giving i mean selling to the
countries that bow down to us is only resold at a fiar
market prices. Well a little makes it. ANd then the
people cant afford it anyway and they starve. Dude it
snot just drouhgt that causes famine its a poor
economy its a messed up farming system where all the
smalll farmers are being bought out and like all the
tons of people that used to be farmers that had to
sell thier land during a drouhgt year to buy some food
for thier family or starving friends and relatives are
now unemployed and dont even hav ten cents in thier
pocket. I swear to you if you gave these people a
penny they would go and by a little bit of rice or
grain to eat with it and eat it cause theyre fucking
starving like madcrazy man. The problem aint gettin
better its gettin worse. Same with racism. So what man
we can solve it but we got to work together but it
takes alot of folks realizing what complete idiots
they were raised to be. Im an idiot at least I realize
it you youre still stupid maybe so fuck you ya dumb
fuck youre part of the problem. Wake up and join me in
my cause cause I have the nuts to change this shit.
You will know when it it is time to join me till then
do what ya can to support whats being done already for
hunger. I aint overthrowin the government like a dumb
fuck would do no I play within the rules well find a
way to solve it and everybody come out partyin. -OMNI

The Wealth Of Heart 4-30-01
Its the people and the returning that I enjoy most of all. I consider it a priveledge to know so many people and I try to appreciate that as much as possible. I am really trying to find myself. I was thinking today that I am looking for something in all of this but I don't know what it is. But it is myself and only that that compells me. What little I understand of the depths that are in me and this universe compels me to fury in all my searching. I find depths in others. This is easily done. I stare into thier eyes for an instant and it is all there. The eyes. My eyes hold the absolute craddle the infinite turning OF JUST THIS. I am down in anderson indiana visiting friends. I see how they have changed and how they have come closer to the source of all. This amazes me and I amaze myself in this reconing .I drink of my wisdom and dance on my enlightenment and mock the smallness of what was. When I come to myself I speak blessings with my laughter and my tears are a spell. Majic is in me. The world entirely is in me. Majic is alive God is alive God is in me god is in the craddle that is my heart and the greatness of god is birthed in my unceasing anguish. the compassion of god is found in my turning. The long life of god lies beneath my skin stiring in my bones awakening to my spell the thumping trip tap beat of my heart and my many viens. I scratch my chin and do not speculate I take in what was for the record. For the record I distill the truth on a daily basis. I am filled with the excess and I play in the wealth of heart. You scrape my shadow from its firm sweep. You grab the tone of my backbone to eat. You fly once a night next to and beside the dome heavens. You grimace to create and clench beauty. Your word is wrapped in a thick fiberous dark. Your laugh slams the walls cracking the plaster wrentching the beams. Your grin spreads my nose in one swift plunge and returns to mull down my chest. You are the swirl of time trance bestowal. And this is the crack of stone thrown open for your encampment therin. Once always within worn torn forever amen.